I’ve tried for the last few years to keep Politics from my social media, but tonight it’s about to get political. Sort of. Stay with me. I saw this article this week on Senator Gary Peters and his abortion story. It reminded me of why I am pro-choice and reminded me that people also need to hear my story. Some of you may have heard my story before, but I think it’s a good reminder of how politics is used to control female body and how everything is not always what it seems on the surface.
4.5 years ago, I gave birth to my firstborn. Her name was Embree Eleanor Grammer. She was born by Caesarean section on April 25, 2016. She weighed 4 lbs 4 oz. She was only 25 weeks gestation. She lived for about 20 to 30 minutes. She was born with a tumor about the size of a volleyball that invaded her body both externally and internally. He sucked in his blood supply, pushed his organs out of their place, twisted his body, and overworked his heart. We only found the tumor 5 weeks ago. During those 5 weeks, the tumor grew from about the size of a walnut to the size of a volleyball. I grew up with her, from a first-time mum’s little bump at 20 weeks to the same height as a pregnant woman who was around 36 weeks old. In 5 weeks.
These 5 weeks have been the most difficult 5 weeks of my life. We had ultrasounds twice a week, traveled across the state to visit more specialists, and were told basically our sweet Embree probably wouldn’t make it. We had a choice to make. The state of texas allows an abortion after 20 weeks if the pregnancy is life-threatening or if the fetus has “abnormalities”. We qualified for it.
Related: Senator Kamala Harris Denounces Judge Barrett’s Anti-Abortion Toll
I have always been pro-choice, but I have never been pro-abortion for myself. Although I recognize that women have the right to do what is best for them, I never intended to have an abortion. I also had hope. I hope Embree would be cured. I hope the tumor will stop growing. So we chose to continue the pregnancy, hoping that Embree would have a chance. I was counting to the Age of Viability, just hoping that if I could keep cooking Embree until then, maybe… just maybe modern medicine and prayer could keep her alive.
Not only were we watching Embree closely, the medics were watching me closely. Even though Embree was still alive, she was out of shape. she was developing hydrops and I risked developing Mirror syndrome. It would be life threatening if it developed completely. On April 22, I went to my second ultrasound of the week and my doctors were concerned about the swelling in my feet.
I was told that I had a decision to make. Not only was I starting to develop early mirror syndrome, but we were at 2 weeks by 27 weeks. This was important because at 27 weeks I would no longer be able to deliver Embree to Texas by C-section. Why? Because according to the law, by choosing to give birth to Embree this early, I would have an abortion. And while at 24.5 weeks I was still in the gray area of Texas abortion law where I could give birth, at 27 weeks I wouldn’t be. Surprised that this is considered an abortion? Many are. Stay with me.
We have decided to schedule our cesarean for this Monday. I would have 25 weeks. We are past the age of viability, but it was becoming evident that she would not make it. We met with doctors from the NICU and they looked at our case. They decided that they would not make any attempts to save Embree’s life after she gave birth. This officially meant that we chose to have an abortion. We gave birth to our child early, knowing full well that she would not survive. This is what a “late abortion” looks like. Catch that political buzzword? I will explain more below.
As you can imagine, it was the worst and longest weekend of our lives. We knew that in two days we would meet our daughter and let her go. But it’s so much worse. Again, this is considered an abortion. A late abortion. The state of Texas, like most states, a large majority of which claim to be “pro-life,” has implemented numerous restrictions to prevent abortions.
Here’s the problem with abortion law… it doesn’t differentiate between what we are going through and what “pro-life” groups think they are preventing. Laws in Texas stated that in order for us to give birth to Embree and have a chance to hold her while her soul still resided in her body, we need to do the following:
1. Our doctor had to apply for permission to perform the cesarean section from the state. This had to be done 24 hours before the surgery. We had to go to the hospital on Saturday before giving birth, in mourning, to sign a paper requesting an abortion. Put yourself in this situation. Forever in the Texas State Archives there is a piece of paper that says I aborted my precious Embree.
2. In addition to filling out these documents for us, our doctor also had to give me a brochure published by the State of Texas on the consequences of abortion. By law, she was required to give me a booklet that told me that if I had an abortion I would suffer from depression and anxiety for the rest of my life, I would have an increased risk of breast cancer and I would be may be infertile in the future.
Do you think I’m kidding? Take a look at the Texas regulations here.
If you think of yourself as “pro-life” you are probably thinking something like, “Yes, but your situation was different. This is not what I am fighting against. Or maybe you are thinking “But I am not considering this abortion”. Great. But the true definition of abortion is “the termination of a pregnancy after, accompanied, resulting in or closely followed by the death of the embryo or fetus”. So while YOU may not think of what we experienced as an “abortion,” it did. I had an abortion. I had a late abortion.
Why am I raising this? Why am I telling you this? Because when lawmakers and people fight to end “abortion,” they talk about it too. When you hear about “late abortions”, THIS is what happens. These are not women who have carried their babies to term and then decide to have an abortion. It is women and families who are devastated to find themselves in a situation in which they must decide whether to let a child suffer in the womb or to end its suffering. Pro-life laws are designed to make this process difficult. They are designed to set up obstacles. This process is difficult enough. Even women who decide to have an abortion at 8 weeks. This is already a difficult decision, so why do we allow people to torture them too?
Every time people talk about saving babies and being pro-life, I cringe inside. Not because I don’t want to save babies, but because I want to save babies. Save babies from the suffering they are put through because a man with no medical training has decided he knows women’s bodies better than doctors do. I cringe because I know as a survivor of these terrible “pro-life” laws that these laws are being used to trick women in America into voting against their own best interests in the hope that they will save life. unborn child. I cringe every time I hear people calling those who vote for pro-choice laws… “murderers,” because they say I murdered my Embree.
I chose to deliver Embree on April 25, 2016 by Caesarean section. I chose the late abortion. I did it because it was the only way for me to hold my little girl while she was still alive. It was the only way for me to meet his soul until we were together in heaven again. This is why I am pro-choice. Remember Embree and me when you vote.
